Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.
On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.
On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?
On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
ITALY AND WILLIAMS
To understand the following conversation, it helps if you know three things: (1) the food at williams, (2) italian football and its players, and (3) how committed we can be to being stupid sometimes.
the context is that this morning, my gtalk signature read "Forza Del Piero! Forza Grosso! Forza Italia!"
theyap: what lah. forza del piero somemore ah
del piero eating carbonara yesterday lah
he eat marinara
theyap: i tot butter prawn penne?
Fergus: no... he ate the beef medallion
not nasi goreng ketam?
Fergus: no, no... allessandro is allergic to ketam
then nasi goreng salami lah
Fergus: that one quagliarella ordered. he said not nice.
theyap: oh is it?
I heard pirlo ordered the chicken kiev
said too hard
Fergus: that pirlo hard to please wan lah.
donadoni had the bihun goreng special
got some scallops stuck to his beard
but grosso ate the indo mee goreng. the fella lau sai
fergusong: ohhh no wonder la look like that last nite
lau sai until his hair also messy
fergusong: ohhh i see
no wonder daniele de rossi kept telling me indo indo dunno what the fella saying
he had the seabass rissotto
he said it was "inspiring"
and toni drank the drain water, that's why couldn't score
fergusong: stupid idiot. i told him "ribena longan. but don't order from that uncle"
he must have gotten the limau version of ribena longan
theyap: i ran out items on the menu already
fergusong: eh that means you left early
you didn't see materazzi order the smoke duck pasta
fella ate two servings
sommore he called the duck's sister "a whore"
kena marah from ambrosini
who didn't like the food, so he went to murni's and ate loh shee fun
i thought williams head butted materazzi
fergusong: oh is it?
i followed ambrosini to murni
must've missed it
but i got to chat with massimo. heart to heart. quite good sharing
he said he's been trying very hard to eclipse guardiola as the world's most boring midfielder and he needed prayer
i encouraged him lor
at least he liked the loh shee fun
Labels: dialogue, food, football
11:05 am ]
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
MY FAVOURITE BURGER
This is like a burger daging quadruple special tambah cheese.
11:31 am ]
Friday, June 13, 2008
man, this time last year the world wished you happy birthday with an exploded tire. since then you've had your horrendous boot cleaned out and in some ways, you've also been clearing out all the gunk in the trunk of your life. i think you're okay. just want you to know that.
you can be quite a complicated person, fergus. on your day, you almost perfect the art of being a defeatist, conflicted, insecure, unreliable and grossly forgetful person. and you've always been able to pull through either with the mercy of others or with your humanity. but fergus, at twenty eight, life starts to look different. you've always been a nice guy. but dude, you're almost thirty. can't keep relying on your humanity to get you by. i know you're working on it. i think that's great. keep doing it. it's frustrating for you sometimes to relapse, but as long as you keep getting up after a fall, you will be harder to knock down at thirty. and even harder to knock down at thirty five.
i know you're insecure. most of the time, i know when you do something well, it's secretly because you need to prove something to others. usually, to your family. especially your siblings. i don't really know how to say this but i want to release you from that burden of proof. i want to tell you that you don't have to prove anything to them, that nobody is interested in the evidence. i want to tell you that as you grow into a full-fledged man, that they'll look on you less like a child and more as the last among equals. i know that's all you've ever wanted. to be the last among equals.
for a few years now, words have meant a lot to you: words that cut and words that heal. since e06 i think, you've become very sensitive to words that have been spoken to you. i remember you dug up a lot of childhood bile in a few months there, and maybe you never took purposeful time after shooting rsd to process all that bile. you just let it sit there. like vomit, it started to stink after a while. this year, fergs, i want you to work through and process all your scars. when 09 kicks in, i want to see a more reconciled fergus. you good for that? no, don't panic. you know me, i'm not one for instant results. you just show me you're reconciling yourself to all your hurts, that you're more happy to be with your family, and start looking more at peace with yourself. if you can do that, i'll be super happy with you.
ok i'm gonna stop lecturing. here are some things to note.
cut back on that self-loating
cut back on those self-frust pent-up-anger release
do checks before you go anywhere. you're forgetful. but you're also a subeditor. put a checking process in.
say things to yourself that lift you up sometimes. you don't have to do it here. in the car will do. no one's gonna know it's daggy.
and trust in god.
these words sometimes get bandied around until they lose their meaning. but in your life there are people you believe right? if they told you something, you don't doubt them. you take their word for it. fergs, trusting god is not the end. that's what they sometimes forget to tell you in church. it's not the end. it's the means to an end. the real end is relationship. if you want it, you have to give him more, dude. your secrets, hopes, fears, dreams, failures, flaws and sins - your whole humanity. he's not that freaky right? you've known him for what, five years now? six? yeah, six. he's pretty awesome to have by your side and you're pretty awesome to have on his side too. so think about it yea.
be happy today. and be joyful tomorrow. i'm actually proud of you.
your better self,
11:07 am ]
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Every minute counts.
2:16 pm ]
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
WHEN YOU LET HAPPINESS IN
Hello. Did you sleep well on my couch last night?
1:54 pm ]
Thursday, June 05, 2008
ON PELLE CARLBERG, BRAZILIAN FOOTBALLERS, STREET FIGHER 2 AND OTHER NONSENSE
I swear, the quality of our conversations is really going down the toilet.theyap
: have I ever given u pelle?
carlberg that isFergus
: you gave me pele
but thot garincha was bettertheyap
i thought careca?
that one was marcio santostheyap
: ohhhhh yeah he looks better than BrancaFergus
: branco lah
: eh u dunno branca ah?
blanca's british brotherFergus
: ohh play in luton town reserves wan, yeah
i remember him
used to love those div 3 reserve gamestheyap
: so much raw talenttheyap
: he liked to curl up like a ball also
performance art fellaFergus
(ok forces self to stop descending)
Labels: dialogue, football
3:57 pm ]
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
there's a latvian guy at the french open
his name is Ernests Gulbis
as in... plural of ErnestErnest
: oh yea i heard of him i think
so many ernestsFergus
: yeah man. he's like at least twice the man you are
2:13 pm ]
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
ANTS IN THE BRAINS
Have you read the fowarded email going around about ants crawling into your brains? yeah, apparently, you're not supposed to have sweets lying in or in the vicinity of your mouth when you sleep, because ants will invade you. they say that a kid and a grown man had ants crawl into their mouths and end up in their faces, causing undetectable itching, followed by eventual death when they entered the brain and started eating it.
now if that's not the premise for a really splendid b-movie, i don't know what is! nonetheless, it's inspired a bit of paint cartooning on my part.
Labels: comics, humour
10:58 am ]
Monday, June 02, 2008
by this october, I'd have worked here for four years.
more recently, i've had people tell me that it's time to move on. four years is a lot of time and that i'll need to start moving again to keep myself fresh. they say that you need to move enough times so that when you hit 30, you're still attractive to new employers. they also say that in my office, if you stay too long in one position, you become very unemployable.
i've always told my boss and my friends that i'll only leave this place to go full time into my film career. whether that comes in the form of pushing the red street diner, driving a second film or going into the grindhouse of soulless corporate videos has never really been the point. the point is that i've never seen myself climbing any kind of corporate ladder and i've never seen myself as one to leave one desk job for another. it just never seemed to jive with what i have in mind.
now the bible is full of stories contrasting people who go by faith and people who go by sight. there was ishmael, the under-favoured son of a consuelo - born of sight. and then there was isaac, the great heroic covenental child - born of faith. there was lot, lured by the bright casino lights of jordan - went by sight. and then there was abraham, who trudged into a barren wasteland otherwise signposted as canaan - went by faith.
sometimes, i really wonder if it's faith or stupidity or fear or bravado that drives me to stay on this job until my film career takes off. i know that what people say is true. if there's ever gonna be a crack at the job market for fergus ong, that crack is closing as i inch towards thirty. and every day that i stay here is like a gamble that in some next-door industry, my star is gonna shine.
4:44 pm ]