Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.
On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.
On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?
Yes. increasingly, boundless line is starting to feel like a lot of wasted reading time. i keep going back hoping for more of what hooked me to it in the first place. but every day now, it looks more and more like a lobby group. or an american version of rtm.
obviously you can't take stupidity like that lying down, and not just because America hasn't been properly bombed in a long time. so i wrote a comment to her reminding her that this great nation is the same great nation that sells about 30 billion dollars worth of firearms to the third world every year so they can kill each other while she has her peaceful inauguration. i also told her i hope she enjoyed her peaceful inauguration.
true to form, they didn't publish it. not that i expected them to. they never publish my comments and maybe for good reason. they're not speaking to young christians and "bringing focus to the single years" anymore.
boundless line, which started off as a place where honest young christians wrote largely about relationships, christian character and what it means to serve and love has degenerated into a somewhat ugly mouthpiece for pro-life obsessiveness (don't mess ok, foetus fatigue is not an option) and idolatrous americanism. i really don't know how writers like candice watters can get a writing gig with them. i guess like most things, it's a case of standard jatuh.
board rental is RM15 a day. private instructor's RM80 an hour. how much is it again to fly to kata beach at phuket? RM144 round trip? you know, that's not too bad. and accomodation? RM50 for a backpacker place huh.
let's see... that's about 700 bucks for five days of surfing at the beach, with surfing lessons, food, lodging, and travel all worked in. evil, i tell you.
1.30pm (hmmm where's my access card? oh, where's my wallet? must be in the car)
2.54pm Let's go downstairs for a drink. vending machine.
2.56pm I don't have my access card. it's in the car.
3.01pm Eh. it's not here lah. it must've dropped out in dengkil.
(on the drive to dengkil)
3.06pm Lady: Hello. fergus ong? i'm from geena hair salon ah. just now one man chandra called. he said you lost your wallet. you go and get from him now?
3.08pm Fergus: Hello, mr chandra? oh mr chandran? yes, i think i left my wallet just now. ya. i'm on my way now. thanks!
(chandran 1 wags his finger at me as i walk towards him. he's on a table with another man.)
Chandran 1: Fergus ong
Fergus: Hi mr chandran. thanks so much. Chandran 2: So you are Fergus ong ah. Fergus, turning to the other man: Yes. Chandran 2, pulling out my wallet: You check your money, see if it's all there. i went through some of your contacts, then i found this... rina or gina or dunno what. actually i called another contact, this diana. but she say she don't know you. Chandran 1: Nasib baik tau. tadi orang sapu lantai kat sana, dompet lu kat sini! saya pun kelam kabut wo! Chandran 2: We thought maybe we keep for one day then if nobody come then give to balai. Chandran 1: Ic semua ada kat dalam wo! Chandran 2: Better you check all your money all there la. Fergus, to chandran 2: Thanks so much. What's your name? Chandran 2: Chandran. Fergus, to chandran 1: Oh. so how about you? Chandran 1: I oso chandran.
We laugh a bit, shake hands and i give chandran 1, who is the gerai owner, a reward. of course, all this essentially means only one thing - no more hakka mee when i eat on that side.
It's frightening to talk about your dreams. i've learned the hard way that when you have a dream to do something or be someone, that maybe it's a good idea to keep it to yourself.
i've opened up my mouth a lot. too much. to too many people. some have kept my dreams in a good place. they push me along and sometimes they don't say anything. but if you share your dreams with too many people, someone is bound to mishandle it. maybe someone will make it sound like a stupid dream to have. or someone will be uninterested. or someone will jump in and share that dream with you, and then jump out just as quickly. i've been on both sides. i know now to keep my mouth shut.
nobody expects anything from someone who doesn't set himself up. some days, i wish i spent the last ten years playing my cards a lot closer to my chest. because once you've shared your dream, a bit of its magic goes away. it starts that maturing process where it ends up in one of two places: fulfilment or the scrapheap. and maybe some of our dreams are less serious, but it's planted in our hearts anyway. and maybe we don't want the magic of that dream consigned to a scrapheap. maybe we prefer for that dream to burn privately inside us than get out and fail.
some dreams are meant to be achieved. i know that. but maybe only some. maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, but privately. never spoken. never known to anyone but ourselves.
This year, i don't have a big list of resolutions, like the 207 that i had in 07, or the 8 year-long lifestyle changes that i had in 08. no, this year, i'm going to do very few things. but it'll be easier to prioritise this year. here's how it goes.
in 2009, i will focus on one thing, and it's building. and i will focus on building three things:
the first is my relationship with athalia. i wanna keep moving that forward.
the second is my cell, especially my core members. i really want to pour into their lives this year.
the third is large door pictures, my video production company. i want to push it into some real gears before the year is through.
that's all. if i can do these three things well before 2010, i'll be a very pleased lad.
Not mine, athalia's. as far as cell videos are concerned, this is thay's sophomore directorial effort and i'm really proud of it. not least of all because i DPed on it. yes, i'm vain like that. anything i DP on immediately becomes an object of splendour, worthy only of the most pure adoration. sorry what? oh you don't know what DP means? DP means "did pissnothing". yeah, sorry about that industry jargon. my bad.
I started this blog around march 04 wanting it to be an evangelistic tool. that's why i called it goodchristianboy: blog of a flawed guy trying to get it right. last year, i thought about upping the christianity content here. not for evangelism, but just to be focused. make my blog earn its url. i think it's better on that front last year than the previous two.
generally, i was happier in 08 than in 07. and it showed. after dealing with some deaths in january, this blog was decidedly happier throughout the year. more daily posts showing up around august says more about busyness than anything, though i do like the format and am gonna go for more of them this year. i got all political around february and march (who didn't?) and i wrote a quasi-tearjerker to myself in june. more dialogue posts this year, which is really just me liking the sound of my own voice, but no regretful bunny in the whole of 08. that's a shame. maybe he's been put to rest. there were about two posts about incorrect word usage. maybe there'll be more on that this year.
towards the end of the year, i started getting lazy about having an otherwise requisite 200 pixel-wide picture to go with my posts. started writing smaller posts that had no pictures. that's lazy. but the smaller post isn't in itself a bad format. you know what failed? i tried this "today i learned..." series that lasted all of one post. i think i'll bury it together with the bunny and a very brief attempt to migrate my sidebar onto the main post (the glasvegas review). bury. bury. bury. let's forget i tried those things.
otherwise, i'm quite happy with my how to buy a bible guide. i think that's not a bad one to have near the close of the year.
as for this year? i'm flirting with this idea about a moleskin sermon notes format. ok, let's not bury this one before it even sees the light of day. first, i'll need a scanner. so it won't happen anytime soon. we'll see. we'll see. happy new year, gcb.