Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.
On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.
On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?
On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.
Friday, July 30, 2004
POKER, GOODBYES & A HARD APPLE CIDER
now, i'm giddy because gordon fed me this apple cider thingy that had 20% alcohol. it was nice.
i'm a little sad cos vernon is going back to melbourne tomorrow for another year (before he returns for good) and i'm not only gonna miss his friendship, i'm also gonna miss his wise counsel.
we played texas holdem over at my place (like always, with monopoly money only) after the dust of mamak and couz nite had settled. ernest joined us as well, so that was really nice. i like my brother joining in with my friends. carol said i looked like him. that's nice. i like looking like ernest. i think he's good looking.
9:44 am ]
THE GRACECARS: POST-SHOW REVIEW (OR LACK THEREOF)
Like a bolt of lightning in the sky by the sea, it came and went so quickly. and everything now is just sand and old tide.
The Gracecars have played their first performance. Honestly, i have no idea how well or how badly we did, cos being on stage, i couldn't even really hear Jon's lead guitar, much less get a decent idea about how we were fitting in together. i was afraid of singing cos of the feedback on the song before us (and the songs after us, as it turned out - and no, it didn't feedback on us!). And i was very conscious of not closing my eyes, cos that's just not on when you're playing to any audience in excess of 0 persons.
My friends said they liked it. vernon said i sang loud enough, so i guess my no-feedback volume control worked out fine. some liked the song itself. Jon said someone said the we sounded "tight". Now, i've never played with someone else on stage since the one time in form 4. and to sound "tight" is, i know, one of the best compliments any life performance can receive. so i praise God we sounded tight even though i barely knew what Jon was playing. Rehearsals, it seems, do wonders.
So i wanna thank all my friends who went there and supported: vernon, ash+divya, mel, philip, steven...
my night at church did end prematurely... with a bout of an unfriendly stomach. went to vern's to get medicated before the evening went anywhere else. but i'm glad. and i'm proud of Jon for us working together on this song. i still don't know if it was any real good. but i'm alright.
9:42 am ]
KAIS PAGI MAKAN PAGIdo i wanna be rich in life? do i wanna make good money, have the odd hundred, the odd thousand on the rare luxury? why not the frequent luxury?
right now, i'm pretty much living a hand to mouth existence... kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan petang. i found a chap in the Bible with an amazing outlook to life. i'm not really saying i (or anyone) have to be like him... but it's an amazing outlook to life nonetheless. His name is Agur, and he probably only appears once, in Proverbs 30, here from verse 7.
"...give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread"
finally! a kais pagi makan pagi guy! well, actually the Bible isn't short of these types - Israel in the 40 desert years lived exactly like this - receiving manna afresh every day. when they tried to store it up, it went bad. They got only their daily bread, and were not rich but were not poor either.
i'm impressed with our friend Agur here. impressed and encouraged. his eye is really set on God and being fed by God. some may call him unambitious or aiming low but i marvel at his prayer. i don't dare pray like that lest it comes true!!! he really desires to live solely for God, no more or less. he'll take the bare minimum - subsistence living, for it aids his worship and faithfulness to God. his practical approach to wealth or lackthereof is seen in verse 8:
"Otherwise, i may have too much and disown you and say 'Who is the Lord?' or i may become poor and steal, and so dishonour the name of my God."
i reckon Agur has backslid before or have seen it happen around him. at any case, he is very aware of the weaknesses of the human will. a kind of... you-can-say-you-love -God-today-but-wait- till-your-circumstan ces-change scenario. Agur in his prayer tells God to keep his circumstances modest, that he may never be tested in this way, for he knows his weakness. i find him observant and wise in this sense. and very sacrificial.
As a freelancer for now, i'm just getting my daily bread and little more. it allows me to keep serving the Lord in church, in my ministry, fellowshipping with my brothers n sisters, refuelling my car and staying alive. i feel so humbled right now. so humbled because a part of me actually wants this life forever.
Labels: quiet time
9:36 am ]
Thursday, July 29, 2004
TRAITOR!: THE GROWING VOCABULARY OF A 3 YEAR OLDit is true that kids say darn things. the absolute best!
i was over at vernon's today and we were playing with his 3 year old niece, Trinity. Play dough, which smells kinda sugary... it was really fun . And trinny is real smart and all, she picks up words very quickly. And so vernon's brother comes in and in the course of their conversation, jokingly calls vern "traitor". Trinny follows suit and calls vernon "Traitor!". Man, that was so hillarious. Such big words for a small girl. She went on to repeatedly call vernon's brother a "bad girl". Hahaaa!
It's been a long time since i interacted with a kid of that age. now my fingers smell all sweet and gummy.
Labels: growing old, language
9:34 am ]
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
GETTING MARRIEDAs i bundled myself out of my car, i kinda thought to myself, "ah. cell life. this is just like that week". Boy was i in for a shock!
Tonight, two of the couples in my cell announced their engagements. In fact, both the guys in the respective couples proposed to their girlfriends last night. As you can see, it wasn't quite like any other week!
It was great. i feel so blessed to have the chance to be there even... William & Sharon, Daniel & Grace, these guys are super blessed to have each other. You know, when i was sitting there listening to all my cell members' stories, i really felt the joy of God there in that room. Like He was so pleased to watch and listen to all the stories. Who - having planned all the intricacies of the relationship, presided over every season of each of their four lives and watching them come around like this - wouldn't?
Being a very small cell, I did also feel the obviousness of my singleness, i won't gloss over that. Later, Fuyee my cell leader spoke to me and he told me to value my season of singleness and really enjoy it. I know God has made the one as He has made the other, and when my time comes (if God wills it) then i will call on that day's joy. As for today, i feel the joy of seeing them all. And as for me - being obedient to God and serving Him wholeheartedly is my task for the season, and i will do it with joy. Fuyee went through that before he was blessed with Angee and so did these two brave dudes... who proposed last night having planned this simultaneous coup! ;)
I've been shocked. But there are only so few of us to shock each other. So my cell meetings are not gonna top this anymore. Next week, as i bundle myself out of my car, i can safely say, "ah, cell life. this is just like that week..."
Labels: growing old
9:25 am ]
QUIET TIME: WORK IT!Yesterday i was bemoaning how i have all these things i want to be, even no...
9:23 am ]
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
THE GRACECARS: CATCH THEM THIS FRIDAY!The Gracecars will be playing for the first time ever this Friday night in SIB for the monthly Couz Nite... 'not an event, but a lifestyle'.
Jon and i will be doing The Winding Road To Her, this song i dug up from the graves of the year circa 2000. Jon loves it. I'm a little worried it'll be a bit slow for the night, but that's just me being faithless, maybe. Me, i haven't been on stage doing this since Trinity so there's no telling what will flutter by my stomach that night. Let's hope it's just a cold gust of rock and roll!
9:20 am ]
TOP 10: HOLIDAY DESTINATIONS
1. Tuscany 2. Alaska 3. Venice 4. Liverpool 5. Florence 6. China (mountain...
9:18 am ]
PREPARATION AND DELIVERANCE
In these days of joblessness and "wilderness" (yes, i do consider being in...
Labels: quiet time
9:16 am ]
GET FUZZY, GROOVITUDE
Get Fuzzy has to be one of the best comic strips i've encountered in a long...
Labels: humour, review
9:12 am ]
TOYS R US KIDOk, so it's quite disturbing when i think about it. Because everyone has 20 different ambitions when they are kids, then it whittles down to 5 in secondary school and by the time they're in the work force, it is always one or sometimes two. You see, i seem to be going the wrong way.
TOP 10 THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO BE AT THE OLD AGE OF 24, REALISTIC OR NOT
1. Filmmaker (write & direct)
2. Football match commentator
3. Media ministry servant in church
4. Poetry & prose writer
5. Pastor (crikey! ok, i've THOUGHT about it before)
6. Singer/songwriter in a band
7. Football pundit (tv or print media)
8. Film Critic
9. Bit part comic strip artist/writer
10. TV or Radio presenter
i know. it's disturbing, isn't it?
Labels: dreams, growing old
9:10 am ]
BOOK REVIEW: IS FERGUSONG WILD?
">I've just started reading John Eldrege's book Wild At Heart about christian...
Labels: christianity, gender
9:06 am ]
So, it was just a few days ago that myself, vernon and the rest of the guys...
9:02 am ]