Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.


On identity
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.

On Christianity
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.

On dreams
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.


On melancholy
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.

On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.

On language
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.

On politics
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?

On society
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.

On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.

On philosophy
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?

On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.


Monday, August 02, 2004

Does God expect leaders to be perfect? No. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. Does He expect leaders to satisfy all the needs of the led? To be able to successfully shepherd all their sheep? No. That is for Christ to do - only the perfect guardianship of Jesus can keep everyone fed. What does God then expect if His leaders in church?

i've been thinking about how as a core in cell and ministry, i'm being led into future positions of leadership. Today, i sense one thing God DOES expect from his annointed leaders - holiness.

In Romans 11:16, Paul writes:
"If the part of the dough offered as firstfruits is holy, then the whole batch is holy; if the root is holy, so are the branches."

Paul is actually writing about Israel and the Gentiles. In my quiet time, i am understanding how this is similar to leadership in church. After all, was not Israel God's appointed and annointed people, to lead the Gentiles to know God?

What is the promise God is giving here, in Romans 11:16? For me, it speaks deeply about the impact a leader can have on the people who are following. if the leaders - the firstfruits offered to God - if they are upright and walk in God's ways, then the whole team will move in that direction. The direction towards holiness. if the leaders as roots drink of Christ, then surely the branches of the team will be nourished by Christ.

As i grow and grow up, the need to live an upright life becomes more urgent. i see what God is planning for me and i feel a greater need to live in God's holiness. The days of lackadaisical compromise are fast disappearing behind me, like lines on a highway - i drive ahead leaving them trailing in my rear view mirror. the importance of moving in its direction - not to attain it at once, but to walk by its compass - has never seemed more vital.

Sure, leaders sin - they too work from the position of "have fallen short of the glory of God". i must never delude myself that they're exempt. But God chose them that He may use them, warts and all, that He may place holiness in them, and vicariously in those in the "whole batch" and "branches".

"Father, make me holy. I cannot be holy by myself for only You are holy. And you dispense Holiness to those who walk in Your ways. I am not a full leader yet, Lord, and leadership is not something i want but something You call your sons and daughters to, just like holiness. Just like it. So mould me in the shape of Christ, that i may be prepared to serve You in a mighty way. i take captive all my thoughts to Christ, and i confess my sins and repent of my sordid ways. Raise in me a strong leader, for Your sake and not mine. That Your name will be magnified in the life of your child. For glory rightly belongs to You, forever. Amen."


Genusfrog [ 9:47 am ] | 0 comments

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Ps Lee Choo is so awsome. I just had to say that.

The past two days, since minutes before my performance with Jon on friday, i've been asking God to cut me down. By that, i mean to be cut down to size. Humble me. Peel off all those layers of pride and selfish ambition. i want God to really break me open and beat me down until all that's rotten is dead and He, and i, can see the real value of who i am underneath it. He did that to Job... in spectacular fashion as well.

there's so much rubbish in me, when i think about it i feel so sick. i really want God to batter me down to my knees, so that i may be wholly broken before Him. So that from scratch He can shape me anew.

i'm so thankful to all my pastors in SIB. Sometimes, i don't know if they realise how deeply their teaching affects some of their sheep.


Genusfrog [ 9:45 am ] | 0 comments