Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.
On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.
On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?
On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.
Monday, November 29, 2004
THE PERILS OF SUNBURN
I'm suffering the perils of sunburn! this morning, as i got myself ready f...
2:24 pm ]
Sunday, November 28, 2004
COUZ SURVIVOR CAMP
Event: COUZ Survivor Camp Place: Port Dickson Duration: Friday night - Sunday...
2:20 pm ]
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
MY THESIS ON I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS
I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS and the Thesis of Parental Infidelity and C...
2:19 pm ]
SIX SHORT STORIES
1. Last night while on the train home, i came across the most delightful tr...
2:17 pm ]
Saturday, November 20, 2004
SNIFF HERE TO KNOW YOUR FUTURE MATEstacey (DeCrowned1) was telling me that when animals find their mates, they usually find the most suitable ones through smell. she also said that it should be the same for humans. but then, she also prescribed that people with body odour wear perfume in order to mask the smell. apparently, it might help them in the romance department (at least, where the romanced is someone with ultra sensitive smelling sense, like her).
to which i said that if one wore perfume and masked one's natural odour, one might actually be attracting the wrong mates. the people who might naturally be attracted to one's odour might be turned off completely or miss the mark altogether and never consider one for a mate. the perfume one wears will attract all the wrong suitors, lured by the false promise of potential compatibility. it would only be a fake smell. a lie, and i dare say, deception.
if my reaction to this is valid (and vicariously, to stacey's initial statement), then does that mean that we should all go around wearing our natural body odours (instead of our deo sticks n sprays)? is it in fact a call to the wild? a regression into smells of the world where people stalk the earth proud of the aplomb their natural scents bring? will this actually improve our society's chances of correctly matching more compatible couples by virtue of nasal attraction? (and should we not recommend it to singapore?!)
i have my reservations. of going around in heavy perfume, of going around without any deo and definitely of going around sniffing at girls to find Miss Right. the jury hereby deny stacey's motion and sentence her to 1 week of reduced credibility where conversations about nasal matters and romance are concerned. case is adjurned.
8:43 pm ]
Friday, November 19, 2004
it has always been my thought that hometowns should not modernise too much...
Labels: growing old
2:10 pm ]
Friday, November 05, 2004
FOOD POISONING & THE NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE on my way to work yesterday, i read about Peter cutting off the ear of some dude when they came to arrest Jesus. and Jesus scolded Peter saying "Shall i not drink the cup the Father has given me?" John 18:11. little did i know what cup i was to drink that day.
i'm 24 and up until yesterday, i can't say i've ever been in any near-death experiences. sure, vernon saved me in his pool once, but he's always saving me from walking into a hail of cars anyway... if those are near-death experiences then i have them all the time. yesterday, though...
i now know what it's like for my phone when the battery runs low and starts screaming. i was on the train on my way home and i was so fatigued from my food poisoning, i could barely stand and i could barely keep my eyes open. while in the monorail, this lady was nice enough. she told me "you don't look too well, i think you should take a sit". Thank you lady! wherever you are!
i was having a fever as well and the air cond was billowing into my face. you know, i kept mumbling with my eyes closed, "Father, please help me". i didn't know what else to say or do. in the midst of it all, i remembered Job praising God when he lost everything. i remembered asking my cell members during our recent debate "if suffering for Christ is gain, should we pray for alleviation of suffering?" (quite the cheeky one too). and then i remembered that morning's word - shall i not drink the cup the Father has given me? no choice, right? after all, he sends rain to the righteous and unrighteous alike. why should i be spared of a bad tummy once in a while?
i stopped off at Sentral, threw up in the toilets there and got on the ktm when halfway through, i started to feel completely mortal again. with one stop left before home, i left the train, threw up again there and crept ever so slowly to lie down on one of the benches. so there i was in my nice clothes and nice bag and all, curled up on a ktm station's bench circa 6.30 and pretty much falling asleep till the rumble of the next train woke me up to get back on board.
when i reached home, i plonked on the bed and awoke four hours later, dazed but alive.
Today, on the way to work, i was reading about how the jews flogged Jesus before he got crucified. in the bible, it isn't very graphic. they just say "they flogged Jesus". it's almost "so what?". but i also know that 2 Corinthians 1:5 says we must share in Christ's suffering just as we share in his glory. and i know the suffering i went through yesterday, it was a fraction, a glimpse of the suffering Jesus went through from the garden to the cross. that's kinda full-on. in the garden, Jesus asked God if it was ok to let this cup go by, but he knew it was for this very reason he came.
some cups are for us to drink. we don't have a choice. i don't know what yesterday's sickening experience was supposed to do for me in the larger scheme of things but i'm sure it has added to me. and for triviality sake, i'd like to think i've had a near death experience!
6:26 pm ]
THE PINK UMBRELLA"Excuse me. Do you like pink umbrellas?"
It was raining every conceivable domestic pet today. As I was leaving my office at The Weld, I stopped by the mall to get myself an umbrella. Much to my distress, I learnt that none of the five places that sold umbrellas sold any umbrellas other than those with pretty flowers and cute little prancing animals. Gak! The truth is, any umbrella not resembling that of a young girl resembled instead that of an old woman. Such were the options on my hands. And all I wanted was an old fashioned black umbrella.
Never one to do things in half measures, I decided to buy a red umbrella and just look striking in the storm. The idea in itself was not so flawed, at least until I flapped open the umbrella itself - and in all its redness, I somewhat, for lack of a better word, freaked out. So it would come as a much welcomed surprise that the red umbrella in my hand turned out to be faulty. Very relieved, I brought it back to Guardian, where I was - unrelieved again - faced with the options aforementioned. Actually, I got a cash refund and headed elsewhere to cast my vote.
I would have bought a yellow umbrella. Firstly, yellow is the universal colour of raincoats. On top of that, I once wrote a character who went around with a yellow umbrella, so I am quite favourable towards them. The one available, though, had to have some japanese creature of sorts all over it. I don't know - I just couldn't bring myself to buy it.
So what do I buy instead? A pink umbrella of course! How smart of me! (and indeed). I reasoned that a pink umbrella might have better exchange value with my sisters. I just had to make my way home and then try swapping it with one of the girls. By the time I got to the train station, my patience, it seemed, was short. I had a better idea - try swap it with someone there! Why not? Everyone had umbrellas. I just had to find a girl with an old fashioned black collapsible umbrella that seemed equatable in value and odds are, she'd swap.
It turns out, however, that there aren't that many girls going around carrying old fashioned black collapsible umbrellas. After failing at the monorail station, I hedged my luck at the changeover at the Sentral. That was when I found one. Not only did she have the exact umbrella I was coveting, she was wearing pink! Perfect! Pulling out my item of trade, I set off on my barter business, and approached the girl.
"Excuse me. Do you like pink umbrellas?"
She looked at me and didn't say anything. She seemed confused.
"I was wondering if you'd like to swap with me", i managed to lay down the deal in such crude terms, motioning self-consciously with my heinous pink shelter, all folded up. She shook her head and bluntly said No.
She seemed mighty glum for a girl in pink. Why didn't she want to swap? She was obviously well-disposed to pink, she wore it on herself. Why was she carrying a black umbrella anyway? Black is dull. It's for privately colourful people like me. She looked like the flamboyant type. Sigh.
So I made my way home and the umbrella now dries somewhere between the door and the gate. It turns out that elaine already has a pink umbrella of her own and audrey doesn't like collapsible umbrellas. How picky. And all I want is to get rid of my pink umbrella without making a nine ringgit ninety loss.
My recourse, it seems, has come in a surprising package. Ernest has just mentioned that he'd like to 'start an umbrella collection' one day. Perfect, then! "One day, I might buy it from you", he continues. Right. One day. He better make it soon. Cos on Monday, I'm not going to office with that thing.
Labels: happenings, identity
4:59 pm ]
Thursday, November 04, 2004
RED LIGHT CROSSINGi've just been reading adrian's post on cheating and it has reminded me of debates i've had mid-crossing the road with vernon and jan respectively. adrian calls it a "social boundary" that needs to be kept. in the course of my debates, i've been whittled down to say that... red lights are a matter of common sense.
sure, we all need red lights and i get cheesed off by red-light shooters as much as the next social-commenter. it might, however, be an entirely different case when you're walking.
you see, what vernon and jan indoctrinated me with (vern, it was during trinity) is that red lights are just there to govern and negotiate our common senses where such common sense could easily fail and result in gross death. in other words, red lights - when you're walking - are simply a guide for what you already know. standing before a red light at 3am while walking home (why you would be walking home at that hour is, of course, an entirely different query) would require you to examine the necessity of obeying that said red light. especially, given that it is 3am, that no cars are to be seen anywhere. it would be uncommon-sensical, and highly counter-intuitive to stand there and wait the full 4 minutes just so you can make your 10 steps across a small road. it would also be foolishly legalistic.
so if it is true that red lights are only there where common sense would otherwise fail, then who is the arbiter of when and if common sense would prevail. this is where it gets tricky. this is also where you might want to realign with the "channeled opinion" and stick to the social boundary. would you cross if it was 2.15am and there were 2 cars gliding around?
i'll tell you when my flawed reasoning has instigated me to put the gas down and shoot past a red one. guilty as charged, right. i confess it here publicly. the traffic light at jalan damansara after BP has, what i would call, an unreasonably short green light time. and for the jams that it causes! and that we are on the main road! my confession will continue to state that i have, on a few occassions, gone ahead of the red light, following the two cars in front of me who also went past the red light (when it has just turned), creating a train of rogue cars, so to speak, breaking the law with strength in numbers. this confession will also go on to state that while beating that red light, my heart said, "this green light is too short. i hope all the cars behind me follow suit in protest".
but that's no way to protest, is it? i could write a letter somewhere, or (dismiss this) vandalise the traffic light to such a point that it no longer works and no longer works against me. (how vile that sounds!) surely, that too is no way. and by all intents and purposes, our country isn't quite built in the way that "writing a letter to the council" will get you much anywhere. i have a theory (the expounding of which is for another occassion) that the local councils here in klang valley, malaysia have an open agenda to murder my car's suspension by systematically inserting holes in the road after the tarring and smoothing process. the reason i bring this up is this: if my local council has an agenda to damage road vehicles (a fact i'm convinced of) then they can surely provide no recourse or remedy for the disgruntled roadusers behind those very vehicles. so writing letters won't do. so what do we do? certainly we can't keep breaking the law!
i'd like to just get away from such situations. i'd like to just beat it.
6:14 pm ]
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
LIVERPOOL'S EUROPEAN NIGHT OUT As a liverpool fan, i blog very little about them. maybe because my site is green.
but i want to blog about them today. i am so proud of my team. i'm so proud of the way they picked themselves up from the disaster of losing djibril cisse to two broken bones and being sidelined for the rest of the season with... what... going to the heart of La Coruna, the deathbed of so many european giants (juve, ac milan, real madrid, man utd, bayern) and not just taking a point but beating deportivo 1-0!
this tells me something about resilience and rising above dire situations. i always think that if my love for football is not gonna be physical and health-improving, then it better be inspiring and character developing. not just entertaining. so i have seen something in this liverpool team that - perhaps is too early to call, or perhaps isn't - that amidst inconsistency, there's an ability to find a spark of magic from someone, igor biscan or not - that i think is worth emulating. when push comes to shove, deliver.
so i'm really proud of them. i credit a lot of this victory to rafa benitez's knowledge of the spanish game but the boys had to run out and win it. and they did. i'm so proud to be a liverpool fan today. i think nights like this are the basis on which we'll build a new european legacy.
5:17 pm ]
Monday, November 01, 2004
THE WORLD DEBATEWe know that as Christians, God wants to give us all good things. he wants to prosper us, to give us a future. he wants to bless us and he has said over and over again, "ask and you will receive". this sounds ever bit like a God who wants to make life good for us.
At the same time, we are called to be in the world but not of it. we know that the world hates Christ and if we are of Christ, we must be prepared for the world to hate us. we are to deny the pleasures of the world and all its trappings. i'm planning to do a little debate of sorts with my cell this week and i thought in line with pastor charlie's message, i'd do it on this.
[topic changed since first posting]
so here's the topic: the christian life in the world is necessarily full of hardship. Yes or no? give me your opinion. scriptural backup will be HIGHLY valued!
the new question reads as: is the comfortable life in the world an unChristian life?
i found the old one too imbalanced and unsuitable for the purpose of debating!
1:12 am ]