BLOGGER



Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.


MAIN THEMES

On identity
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.

On Christianity
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.

On dreams
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.


OTHER THEMES

On melancholy
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.

On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.

On language
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.

On politics
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?

On society
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.

On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.

On philosophy
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?

On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.


CHAT





Friday, November 05, 2004
FOOD POISONING & THE NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE

on my way to work yesterday, i read about Peter cutting off the ear of some dude when they came to arrest Jesus. and Jesus scolded Peter saying "Shall i not drink the cup the Father has given me?" John 18:11. little did i know what cup i was to drink that day.

*

i'm 24 and up until yesterday, i can't say i've ever been in any near-death experiences. sure, vernon saved me in his pool once, but he's always saving me from walking into a hail of cars anyway... if those are near-death experiences then i have them all the time. yesterday, though...

i now know what it's like for my phone when the battery runs low and starts screaming. i was on the train on my way home and i was so fatigued from my food poisoning, i could barely stand and i could barely keep my eyes open. while in the monorail, this lady was nice enough. she told me "you don't look too well, i think you should take a sit". Thank you lady! wherever you are!

i was having a fever as well and the air cond was billowing into my face. you know, i kept mumbling with my eyes closed, "Father, please help me". i didn't know what else to say or do. in the midst of it all, i remembered Job praising God when he lost everything. i remembered asking my cell members during our recent debate "if suffering for Christ is gain, should we pray for alleviation of suffering?" (quite the cheeky one too). and then i remembered that morning's word - shall i not drink the cup the Father has given me? no choice, right? after all, he sends rain to the righteous and unrighteous alike. why should i be spared of a bad tummy once in a while?

(18SG)
i stopped off at Sentral, threw up in the toilets there and got on the ktm when halfway through, i started to feel completely mortal again. with one stop left before home, i left the train, threw up again there and crept ever so slowly to lie down on one of the benches. so there i was in my nice clothes and nice bag and all, curled up on a ktm station's bench circa 6.30 and pretty much falling asleep till the rumble of the next train woke me up to get back on board.

when i reached home, i plonked on the bed and awoke four hours later, dazed but alive.

*

Today, on the way to work, i was reading about how the jews flogged Jesus before he got crucified. in the bible, it isn't very graphic. they just say "they flogged Jesus". it's almost "so what?". but i also know that 2 Corinthians 1:5 says we must share in Christ's suffering just as we share in his glory. and i know the suffering i went through yesterday, it was a fraction, a glimpse of the suffering Jesus went through from the garden to the cross. that's kinda full-on. in the garden, Jesus asked God if it was ok to let this cup go by, but he knew it was for this very reason he came.

some cups are for us to drink. we don't have a choice. i don't know what yesterday's sickening experience was supposed to do for me in the larger scheme of things but i'm sure it has added to me. and for triviality sake, i'd like to think i've had a near death experience!

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Genusfrog [ 6:26 pm ]

1 Comments:

  • Rough day man, hope you feel better. When Paul says he takes joy is his struggles, I keep wondering if I take joy or just focus on how hard things are. You are an encouragement (even if you weren't joyful, you knew where your focus was).

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:11 pm  

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