BLOGGER



Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.


MAIN THEMES

On identity
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.

On Christianity
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.

On dreams
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.


OTHER THEMES

On melancholy
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.

On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.

On language
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.

On politics
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?

On society
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.

On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.

On philosophy
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?

On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.


CHAT





Wednesday, February 02, 2005
ENGLAND

"I'll blog!", i cry to my friends through the opened taxi window as the cab speeds out of nighttime suburbia. i am on my way to england.

last night, i dreamt i was going to england. i think i was going there to work, but the whole thing felt like i was going to study. now, i wonder if it was a bible school or something. i was farewelling with my friends in a house, and then i left. the taxi drove like a madcab, hurling itself down slopes and gaps in the road into where the entire vehicle ought fall. but somehow, the car kept on the ground. at a certain point, i looked out and noticed the wheel completely broken, turned sideways and flipping horizontally as the rubber (or whatever was left there) hit the road. by this time, as in typical dreamstate fashion, audrey and clarissa (with whom i carpool everyday) were suddenly in the car, and i alerted them to the wheels.

i remember being there... on a morning, walking through streets, looking at shops. i've never actually been there but it felt like england. i don't know what i was doing but i remember feeling that responsible feeling, of having to find accomodation, sort out enrolment, those sorts of things. it was bright, it was sunny. cool wind and opened shops. but there weren't people on the road with me, i seemed alone in all this. and it felt nostalgic, like i was taken back to a place i knew. in my head, i wondered if it was london.

back home, i was with my family. this was before my trip. ernest said that since i was now making "their money", i could easily afford something. when i woke up, i remembered what that something was. there was a figure to how much it cost as well. now, i can't remember.

i was very excited. i was very, very happy to be there, on the streets. all the real emotions were there, at the height of their saturation. this was probably my most emotional dream in a long, long time. and then, as all good dreams end, i woke up.

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Genusfrog [ 3:41 pm ]

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