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Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.


MAIN THEMES

On identity
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.

On Christianity
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.

On dreams
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.


OTHER THEMES

On melancholy
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.

On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.

On language
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.

On politics
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?

On society
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.

On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.

On philosophy
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?

On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.


CHAT





Tuesday, June 30, 2009





I've had this self-styled quote on a strip of paper stuck to the top of my monitor for years. today, i'm consigning it to the bin. i never really knew what it meant. but it's strange, that today of all days, with all the uncertainty of the world before me, i put this quote down.

there, buddy. come down.

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Genusfrog [ 3:59 PM ] | 0 comments

Friday, June 26, 2009



Michael jackson died? oh, boo bloody hoo. everyone's going beserk on twitter today saying that he's such a loss and that he'll be missed. really? is anyone really gonna miss him? i think it's all a big glossy lie. no? oh how come? maybe it's because since nevermind expelled dangerous from the top of the billboard charts in 1991, he's been culturally irrelevant for what, 17 years. maybe it's because he hasn't put out any real music since 1995. and maybe it's because we're all so sick and disenchanted that the child star everyone loved grew into everything we fear for our own children.

no, seriously. when we say that michael jackson will be missed, exactly what are we planning to miss? seeing him live? hearing him on the radio? buying his "next" record? the right time to miss those things was in 1992. the man had two good records. TWO: thriller and bad. and bad wasn't even near thriller. and you can't even miss him because of those records because you can put them on anytime you like. so really, in what way does michael jackson's death make today's sky any less blue than yesterday's? the man's been dead for years.

his death this morning just confirms it.

i won't miss him, not one bit. his legacy is in every singing/dancing more shallow version of a solo artiste around today, and even that i can do without. the best parts of his career are in the can and the rest is in the casket. no tear shed.

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Genusfrog [ 11:25 AM ] | 2 comments

Friday, June 19, 2009

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Thursday, June 18, 2009



It takes a lot to make me like the 80s. ok maybe that was true of me up to mid last year. then the starflyer album showed up and this whole 80s revival started making in-roads into my heart. a few weeks ago, it was the new bon voyage album. ooh, nice. and then last week, the cupid of 80s love struck one proper arrow into me and now i'm completely in love.

the band in question is golden silvers.

to be fair, they didn't win me over purely on their 80s revival sound. there are many moments on their debut record where their harmonies sound like the beach boys, or when the singing made me check if this was a pete doherty side project (it's not). but after about seven days of solid non-stop spinning, it's the 80s numbers that have hooked me. it's the new new romanticism. it's kitsch 80s parody. it's sublime retro pop that's generic yet original. sigh. i've lost all objectivity with these boys.

here's to the highlight of my music listening for 2009: golden silvers.

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Genusfrog [ 4:40 PM ] | 0 comments

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

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Genusfrog [ 1:35 PM ] | 1 comments

Thursday, June 11, 2009
Free Image Hosting
The context: we're heading straight from work for a shoot with fai's company, beanworks.

Athalia: what do you want to have for dinner?

Fergus: hmmmmmmmm
to be very honest
not much
what would you like?

Athalia: bubba gumps
with a milkshake from mcd's

Fergus: :O

Athalia: and maybe some green tea ice-cream
can?

Fergus: can
put it on beanworks
:D
heheheh

Athalia: dowan
I prefer to put it on a table
easier to eat

Fergus: qahahahahaha!@!!1!

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Genusfrog [ 3:08 PM ] | 0 comments

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

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Monday, June 01, 2009



Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be filled.

when i seriously get into a piece of work, i tend to forget everything else. i forget that i need to sleep. i forget that i need the loo, or to shower. and i forget to eat and drink.

maybe that's a bit like the beatitude.  

because when we seriously get into the business of life, it's easy to forget about righteousness. it's certainly easy to not hunger and thirst for it, like how we hunger and thirst for food. hunger and thirst for food is habitual. it's routine and repetitive, and in a span of one day, we are physiologically reminded of it three maybe four times.

but righteousness is not like that, is it? who among us has a spiritual pop-up that reminds us, on a daily basis, that it's righteousness time?

yet, the beatitude is instinctive and daily. it's not implying something seasonal, or in spurts. godliness is an everyday thing.

blessed are those who long for godliness every day. they will have a meaningful life.

i'm amazed at the nourishment metaphor. jesus once said "my food is to do the will of him who sent me". that's his food. that's what he hungers and thirsts for. it's what nourishes him. fills him. satisfies him. satiates him.

sustains him. 

doing the will of the father. that is food. like clockwork. hunger and thirst.

blessed are those who feel the need for God's work. they will never run dry. 

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Genusfrog [ 12:20 AM ] | 0 comments

Friday, May 29, 2009



What started off as an abbas saad feature on soccernet led me down a very nostalgic trip along one of football's more local memory lanes.

it's 1991. i'm eleven years old. my school buddies are stanley wong and munadzam. we share a common love of two things: gila gila magazine and the johor state football team. 

that year, johor wins the malaysian semi-pro league. abbas saad is the top scorer with twenty odd goals. we go to the malaysia cup final to face selangor. i don't know about stanley or munadzam, but this is a particularly big match for me because five years prior, when i was six, i saw selangor demolish johor 6-1 at this same stage. 

but on this cup final night, that guy above, ervin boban, struck three past selangor and we carried the malaysia cup home. it was one of my best experiences ever as a football fan. and until today, that team - with abbas saad, alistair edwards, ervin boban, nasir yusof, a young annuar abu bakar, captained by salehan mohd som and managed by mike urukalo - will always be one of my favourite, if not my alltime favourite, football team.

my dream would be for johor to be in the final of the malaysia cup again, when i can bring my family to watch it at the stadium. i can imagine the conversation already.

me: kids, the last time johor was in a malaysia cup final, papa was eleven. and he saw us destroy selangor.
kids: but pa... we live in selangor.
me: no we don't. who said? who said?
kids: pa. subang jaya is in selangor. my school badge has yellow and red on it.
me: where got? i don't see any yellow. that's blue, son. stop pretending to be colour blind.

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Genusfrog [ 4:38 PM ] | 1 comments

Wednesday, May 27, 2009



It's quite fantastic, but last year i forced myself to watch a champions league final that i dreaded to watch because i couldn't bear to see either team win, because of one reason alone. it was to be my tenth european cup final in a row. this year's is eleven. i don't need the preservation of a record to spur me on tonight. i've been all catalan for weeks now and will continue to be till the final whistle and, hopefully, well beyond. here's ten years of european cup finals for me.

1998 Real Madrid 1-0 Juventus
Saw it at: Gratton St home, Melbourne
Was in Melbourne. We came home after a late night, I think, and I popped on the tv. I was a new Juve fan at the time, and was heartbroken at the score, with something like 10 minutes to go. I would later realise that this was their third successive final and I guess that made me proud.

1999 Man Utd 2-1 Bayern Munich
Saw it at: Gratton St home, Melbourne
Already a four-year Liverpool fan, this one was a no brainer. That same season, United snuck in two late goals to beat Liverpool in the FA Cup (I think) and my heart bled for Bayern over this one. Distinctly remember staying up for this one.

2000 Real Madrid 3-0 Valencia
Saw it at: The Avenue home, Melbourne
Remember watching this and thinking (a) who is this Valencia, (b) is this what it's like in the Spanish league, and (c) this does not feel like a cup final.

2001 Bayern 1-1 Valencia (Bayern win on penalties)
Saw it at: West Brunswick home, Melbourne
Was somewhat chuffed for Bayern because I saw it as poetic justice for losing final three years prior. Today, I regret it. It's a shame that Valencia never won Big Ears in their two giddy years reaching the finals.

2002 Real Madrid 2-1 Bayer Leverkusen
Saw it at: West Brunswick home, Melbourne
How to forget that Zidane goal? I followed Leverkusen's road to the final very closely, through a magazine show on SBS called World Soccer. And I remember supporting them helplessly, hoping in some way that Madrid would not be able to pull off the boring win. Ok, so it wasn't a boring win. But it was still boring.

2003 AC Milan 1-1 Juventus (AC Milan win on penalties)
Saw it at: Gasing home, PJ
Ah the hype. Was up on the couch with Win and Ern (Milanese) only to witness my Italian side bow out with some piss poor penalties.  European Cup final support-success eludes me one more time.

2004 Porto 3-0 Monaco
Saw it at: Gasing home, PJ
I was rooting for Monaco on this one. Morientes was inspiring. Their victory over Madrid was the highlight of that season's tournament. Porto was vile. They'd been vile since beating Celtic in the UEFA Cup final the year before. Again, the team I back loses. 

2005 Liverpool 3-3 AC Milan (Liverpool win on penalties)
Saw it at: Gasing home, PJ
Until this. This glorious cup final to end all cup finals. This masterpiece of drama, football, inspiration and fandom stirred to become the pinnacle of my 24-year career as a fan of the sport. Yes, I was on my knees. Yes, I was crying like a baby. Am damn proud of it.

2006 Barcelona 2-1 Arsenal
Saw it at: Gasing home, PJ
Was living out on my own already but made the trip back to Gasing to catch this with Win. For the second successive year, I celebrate a European Cup victory. I'd already been partial to Barcelona since the late 90s, so to finally see them succeed in Madrid's sport - and deny Arsenal at the same time - was quite sweet. 

2007 AC Milan 2-1 Liverpool
Saw it at: Centerpoint mamak, BU
Oh the heartbreak. I grumbled all night with Adrian and Chris half winding me up, half probably not really knowing whether to feel sorry for me. I kicked at a mamak chair (lightly). Both teams were poor. We were just poorer. We had the more romantic road to the final, taking out Barcelona, Arsenal and Chelsea. But they got their revenge. It gets worse.

2008 Man Utd 1-1 Chelsea (Man Utd win on penalties)
Saw it at: Mamak at Bayu Puteri, then Original Kayu, Aman Suria
Grudgingly went downstairs to catch the game and was quite pleased that no one was winning it until the mamak closed midway through the second half and chased everyone out - a move that shocked me enough to handle either team winning. Drove out to Kayu to finish off the game. It stretched till penalties. B****rd Terry. I will never forgive you. Hah.

And so, tonight, I begin my second decade of catching European Cup finals. I still call it the European Cup. I grew up reading books that called it the European Cup and even if the competition's name has changed, I will always prefer to call it by the name of the tropy. Here's to ten more years.

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Genusfrog [ 4:55 PM ] | 0 comments

Monday, May 25, 2009



Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth.

really?

unblessed are the dominating, the earth won't go to them.

really??

not the mighty? not the forceful and powerful and triumphant and aggressive? not pushy people? not the bloodthirsty, ambitious and ruthless people? not the bullish? the dominant? the bossy?  

not the type A personalies?

the colerics? not them? i always thought that the colerics will inherit the earth (and the phlegmatics won't notice it!)

oh wait. it says inherit. 

inherit.

the colerics rule the earth, that we know. the mighty and forceful and aggressive stampede through business and politics. the bossy boss. and the dominant dominate. but inheriting the earth is not the same thing as rampaging all over it. rampage is taken.

inheritance is given.

inheritance involves a father making a choice. and the bible says that God chooses his meek children to hand the earth to.

so what really is meek? i've learned that meek is not weak. it's not timid. the original greek word is praus and it denotes "strength brought under control". they say that praus is like breaking the will of a horse until it will let someone sit on it. before you break its will, it's strong but you can't use it. after you break its will, it's still strong, but now you can... 

harness it. 

meekness, it seems, is like that. the earth is not going to people whom God can't harness. 

blessed are those who'll let God harness them. he'll entrust the world to them.

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Genusfrog [ 12:48 AM ] | 0 comments

Friday, May 22, 2009
AND SO, MY MASSIVE WEEKEND BECKONS 

This could be a monumental weekend.

one of those big career weekends.

sunday. then monday.

send up a prayer.

amen.

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Genusfrog [ 4:42 PM ] | 0 comments

Sunday, May 17, 2009



Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.

what is it to mourn? do we only mourn when someone dies? is it...

grief?
sorrow?
a deep sadness?
feeling depressed?
feeling broken?

feeling totally shattered?

what does a mourner look like? he weeps. he's inconsolable. in ancient israel, when you mourn, you put a sackcloth over your head. it looks weird. it must be depressing to sit around with your head in a sackcloth for days. but they did that when they mourned.

loss is absolute, but grief is relative. i've never lost anyone close to me before, but i've felt the grief of a mourner. it's painful. and until someone walks you out of it, it's a very dark place to be in. like being in a sackcloth.

that someone walking you out of it, that's comfort. someone holding you when you're crying your eyes out, that's comfort. someone putting things into perspective, that's comfort.

comfort is soothing. it is care. it is reassurance. it is relief.

blessed are those who are broken inside. they will find relief.

but isn't this circumstantial? can you be constantly sad? what if you've nothing to mourn about?

really?

can't be constantly sad? where i have lunch, there's this lady who goes around hawking some really useless furry toys to the office and construction crowd. she's never gonna make a sale there, and even if she does, it's never gonna sustain her. what's she doing there? who does she need to feed? where did she get those toys and how long has she been trying to sell them? how many of those things does she need to sell before she can go home each day? and what's it like for her to go home every day with her basket still full of nonsense?

she breaks my heart.

and life must break her heart.

and if you were her, it's not hard to be constantly sad. and sorrow is no longer episodic.

blessed are those who are brokenhearted because of life. someone will care for them.

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Genusfrog [ 3:25 PM ] | 1 comments

Tuesday, May 12, 2009



Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

poor in spirit.

as opposed to... rich in the flesh?

who's rich in the flesh? tycoons? self-made men? people who are sufficient with the things of the world? what does that make the poor in spirit?

people who are insufficient in their own spirit? a poverty of the will?

bankruptcy inside?

and what's this kingdom of heaven?

a kingdom is a territory. a sovereign territory. like saudi arabia. but this is the kingdom of heaven. it's the sovereign territory of heaven. with a demarcation. and a king. Jesus said that when john the baptist showed up, the kingdom of heaven started advancing. people started laying hold of it.

it's not an earthly kingdom. maybe it's not even a cosmic kingdom.

i've heard people say that it's a kingdom in the heart. that since john the baptist arrived, this kingdom was doing all that advancing in the hearts of men. and people were repenting.

blessed are those bankrupt inside. God's kingdom will advance in their hearts.

does that make sense? what if you were not bankrupt inside? what if you were fortified inside. say, maybe you have a fortress for a spirit. can the kingdom of God advance in your heart? in your inside?

blessed are those who know that they can't do it by themselves. their hearts will become God's territory.

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Genusfrog [ 2:20 PM ] | 0 comments

Tuesday, May 05, 2009
ON TAKING YOUR CROSS

Hey. wait a minute.

Jesus says "anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me" in matthew 11 when he sends out the twelve. the cross doesn't show up until much later, maybe about two years later, when Jesus actually gets nailed to one.

was he prefiguring it?

isn't it strange that Jesus should tell his disciples to take up a cross long before Jesus would himself be subject to it? wouldn't they have found his invitation quite random? surely they had little concept of what the cross would mean to them at this stage.

say you went up to your teacher or pastor or hero, and he said "put a noose around your neck and follow me", wouldn't you find it strange? 

i know what Jesus is doing here. he's inviting them to immitate him, because he knows that one day, they too will have to take up their cross and die for the truth. it just never occurred to me that Jesus was talking about the cross long before the crucifixion. 

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Genusfrog [ 11:50 AM ] | 0 comments

Tuesday, April 28, 2009
TO QUOTE: ON RELEVANT NONCONFORMITY

"What if we could say to our kids, 'You are different; you are Christian.' We are a contrast society, not just a hip counterculture. What marks us as different must be more than something external or superficial; it must be a peculiar way of living ... Our hope is that the posmodern, post-Christian world is once again ready for a people who are peculiar, people who spend their energy creating a culture of contrast rather than a culture of relevancy. If we are to be relevant to the world we live in, we must be relevant nonconformists." 

- Shane Claiborne, Jesus for President

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Genusfrog [ 1:41 PM ] | 0 comments

Thursday, April 23, 2009



Kenny dalglish said today: 

"if i can be of help to the club i love in any capacity then i'm more than happy to play any part that i can."

set. the number 7 is vacant. training starts tomorrow morning.

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Genusfrog [ 10:02 AM ] | 0 comments

Monday, April 20, 2009
TO QUOTE: ON THE BOMB

"If it's not love, then it's the bomb that will bring us together."

- The Smiths, Ask

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Genusfrog [ 11:43 AM ] | 0 comments

Friday, April 17, 2009
TO QUOTE: ON FRIDAY

"I don't care if Monday's blue / Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too / Thursday, I don't care about you / It's Friday, I'm in love"

- The Cure, Friday I'm In Love

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Genusfrog [ 11:46 AM ] | 0 comments