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BLOGGER
Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.
MAIN THEMES
On identity i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes. On Christianity I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you. On dreams Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.
OTHER THEMES
On melancholy It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself. On memory and nostalgia It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting. On language I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word. On politics Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for? On society People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last. On growing old Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall. On philosophy I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man? On a daily basis One line quips, like this. CHAT
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Saturday, September 18, 2004
RECURRING DREAM ABOUT SWITCHING ON LIGHTSApparently, i am anxiously trying to solve something that isn't working. you see, i have this recurring dream. it used to happen a lot and after a hiatus, it has returned with a sinister twist. i am usually in a house, a building and it is almost always night time. i am always alone. the room that i am in is always dark and usually becoming darker as i stay there. i go to the switch panel and try to turn on the lights. i flick at all the switches but no light comes on. as this happens, i start to panic and i flick at the switches with even more urgency. everywhere is getting darker and darker and i feel a threat approaching. still, the lights don't come on. i fail. i am failed. usually, i either enter one of those "frozen" moments or i wake up or i go into another more harrowing dream after. now these dreams have been interpreted by some as me trying to solve a problem in my life that isn't working; that i'm trying in futile to rectify a worsening situation. that's quite straightforward but generally, i don't buy into dream interpretations easily. in recent months, these dreams have left me. but just last night, it came back with a twist. i was driving on the road at night, alone. the road had no other cars. and true to form, my car lights were not on. i shouldn't be able to see the road but somehow, i do. i keep turning the light switch next to my wheel but no light comes on. i start to panic and i keep turning the switch on and off but no light comes on as i drive. eventually, i see a bus by the side of the road and i pull off in front of it. i go into a series of other strange dreams but the rest is irrelevant. which makes me think... am i fearing something impending? am i so impotent at rectifying my problems? or is it more allegorical - perhaps it says something about my faith, my calling on God in times of darkness. i don't like these dreams one bit. they are extremely harrowing and disturbing and i usually wake up relieved but distressed. i feel completely powerless. i feel the fear of the increasing darkness, the loneliness and worry of facing the threat by myself, and the fact that it always comes at night just makes it all the more sinister. and the last thing i need now, after my recent car misfortunes, is to have my old recurring dream return with me behind the wheel at night. but the dreamworld, it seems, has no mercy over such concerns. it seems to thrive on them. christians, freudians, lay people. lend me your ears. what do these mean? surely i will pray over it and ask Father to take such dreams away. if in fact they are from the evil one then i know they will not persist. or is it psychological? a deep set, repressed anxiety, desire, unfulfilled or a fear left unconquered? josephs! tell me! Labels: dreamlog Genusfrog [
2:06 pm ]
 
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