Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.


On identity
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.

On Christianity
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.

On dreams
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.


On melancholy
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.

On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.

On language
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.

On politics
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?

On society
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.

On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.

On philosophy
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?

On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.


Sunday, May 17, 2009

Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.

what is it to mourn? do we only mourn when someone dies? is it...

a deep sadness?
feeling depressed?
feeling broken?

feeling totally shattered?

what does a mourner look like? he weeps. he's inconsolable. in ancient israel, when you mourn, you put a sackcloth over your head. it looks weird. it must be depressing to sit around with your head in a sackcloth for days. but they did that when they mourned.

loss is absolute, but grief is relative. i've never lost anyone close to me before, but i've felt the grief of a mourner. it's painful. and until someone walks you out of it, it's a very dark place to be in. like being in a sackcloth.

that someone walking you out of it, that's comfort. someone holding you when you're crying your eyes out, that's comfort. someone putting things into perspective, that's comfort.

comfort is soothing. it is care. it is reassurance. it is relief.

blessed are those who are broken inside. they will find relief.

but isn't this circumstantial? can you be constantly sad? what if you've nothing to mourn about?


can't be constantly sad? where i have lunch, there's this lady who goes around hawking some really useless furry toys to the office and construction crowd. she's never gonna make a sale there, and even if she does, it's never gonna sustain her. what's she doing there? who does she need to feed? where did she get those toys and how long has she been trying to sell them? how many of those things does she need to sell before she can go home each day? and what's it like for her to go home every day with her basket still full of nonsense?

she breaks my heart.

and life must break her heart.

and if you were her, it's not hard to be constantly sad. and sorrow is no longer episodic.

blessed are those who are brokenhearted because of life. someone will care for them.

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Genusfrog [ 3:25 pm ]


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