Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.


On identity
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.

On Christianity
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.

On dreams
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.


On melancholy
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.

On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.

On language
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.

On politics
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?

On society
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.

On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.

On philosophy
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?

On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.


Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I remember when the ringgit was pegged to the US dollar. a lot of people were talking about it and some people thought it was smart, the only way for our economy to improve. others - as others always do - thought otherwise. now i don't know much about currency pegging. so i wiki-ed it and found this quote by a former president of the new york federal reserve bank, who said,

"A country that fixes its exchange rate surrenders control of its domestic monetary policy."

anyone who knows me will probably know that interpersonal relationship is probably the pound sterling of currencies to me. i can't function if someone's upset with me. i can't think straight when there are fights. and i can't sleep if i'm disturbed about a relationship. and so it's occurred to me - i am not an autonomous person. i am far from independent and i am hardly sovereign. the currency of my well-being - so to speak - is pegged firmly to the status of my relationships. when the interpersonal plane starts nosediving, everything nosedives along with it. productivity. concentration. worldview. like right now. the world is a very dark place right now.

and so i'm experiencing what that new york federal reserve bank former president guy calls a surrender of control of my domestic policy. i've pegged my emotional quotient to that of others and i've essentially ceded it over. it feels terrible. i know it's good to hurt when others hurt, but this is the biggest piece of dogshit feeling in my world right now and i wish so hard that i were more autonomous. but i don't know how. i've never been autonomous. i've only ever know this - adjusting my mood to the environment and not knowing how to get out.

i know at some point, the ringgit unpegged itself from the dollar. hooray. merdeka. if the folks in the finance ministry tell you it wasn't easy unpegging, ask them to talk to me.


Genusfrog [ 2:06 pm ]


  • Just to play around with your analogy a little.

    A country is usually quite selective on which currency it pegs its local currency to. The currency chosen is often from a more stable, matured and developed economy, so that the local currency is correspondingly more 'stabilised'.

    Applied to interpersonal relationships, this would imply that we would strive to be 'pegged' to more 'stable' personalities than ourselves; characters who are not 'pegged' or significantly affected by our own fluctuations.

    Just a random thought.


    By Blogger Roger, at 9:10 am  

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