Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.


On identity
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.

On Christianity
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.

On dreams
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.


On melancholy
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.

On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.

On language
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.

On politics
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?

On society
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.

On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.

On philosophy
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?

On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.


Monday, January 07, 2008

"Yet not as I will, but as you will"
- Jesus in Gethsemane, Matt 26:39

When you pray for something to happen, how do you know it's going to happen? you don't really know, do you?

i've come to the realisation that i can't know if it's going to happen. is that faithlessness? no, it can't be.

some people pray and they believe that they will get what they ask for. when they don't get it, they lose hope. they reassess their prayer requests. they reassess their perceptions of god, who overnight has suddenly become either less giving or more mysterious. i've come to the idea that perhaps the fault lies in misplaced faith.

i can't know the will of god. i can ask for things to happen but i can never really know if any of them are in line with the will of god. so i've learned something recently. when i pray, i no longer believe that what i pray for will come true, but that i'm speaking to a god who can make it come true.

there's a difference.

i no longer have faith that my prayers will be answered. that's just being presumptious. my faith is in the god to whom i am praying. i believe he is the god of the impossible and that if he wanted, he could in fact answer my prayers. so i let him know. i believe he can do it. i even hope that he will do it.

but to have faith that he will do it?


maybe if you know the almighty like a brother, you can sit here and tell me you know exactly when you're praying the will of god. right now, i'm quite sure that i don't know how to guess him or double-guess him. and for this one young man, it's enough that i recognise both his goodness and his complete ability to wield that goodness.

as for my ability to pray a god-willed prayer? who knows when that will happen. and when it does, how the heck will i even know it?

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Genusfrog [ 2:55 pm ]


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