ps charlie once preached that obedience to god is doing when told, without asking first. he gave the illustration of a guy in the line of fire - when told to duck, he doesn't ask why. he just ducks. same thing with god - when he says This, you This because you may have as little time to stick around and debate on the logic of Thissing as it takes for a bullet saying hello to your head.
but i'm not good with being told what to do. and in the past two days, i've had to look at this trait in the eye and either stare it down or back off. this is me thinking it's time to back off.
the main thing about not liking being told what to do is not really the message but the messenger. i can take instruction from leaders - i don't have an insurbordination problem. whether it's my team leader at work, our bigger bosses from on high, to my cell or zone leaders in church, or pastors (definitely pastors) or even the tricky one with parents, i'm generally receptive and inclined to nod my head at the dispensation of instruction.
the other category of people to whom i don't have a problem taking words from are peers whom i deeply respect. these are people who have clinched the buy-in factor. off the top of my head, vernon and adrian are two such people. they have shown that they care enough about me, we have shared enough cups of everything over long nights talking, for me to put my head down and say yes when they give me the boot in the arse.
but in my okayness with them lies the stark comparison - all the other people. i don't like being told what to do by the rest of the world. i get rebellious. i feel like doing the opposite sometimes, just to wind them up. just to show them that they have no business talking down to me. it's rebellion and i'm naming it. but it also has another name and it's respect.
respect is a very big thing for me. and i believe that peers should respect each other as peers. i have a big problem with peers dispensing advise when no one's looking for any and i've experienced this enough times to know that it's gonna happen again - it's i who have to deal with it. and while i may not appreciate my friends violating our lateral relationship, maybe sometimes god puts words in the mouths of imperfect communicators and i need to close my eyes to the messenger and just listen to the message.
it's not easy. and believe me, there's a sincere bone somewhere in me that wants to change. with whom do i start?