Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.
On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.
On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?
On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
ON SWITCHING ON AND OFF
Are you someone who can compartmentalise?
cos i'm not. people who can compartmentalise are those who can box up their emotions and thoughts and worries with nice solid dividers. when they're dealing with one, all the rest remain neatly tucked away inside their 5 by 5 cubicle in the brain. i envy those people. cos i'm nothing like that. and being able to compartmentalise would make the quality of my life right now just that much better.
me, my thoughts and emotions blur into each other. a relational gash creeps into office work, a money problem creeps into lunch hour. nothing inside me respects its own boundaries. they're like a backpackers dorm or a nudist beach - very little, if not nothing, is sacred, and all my joys and woes walk into each other's rooms without so much as a knock on the door. needless to say, this kind of thing makes a person quite crippled.
but there are people who can switch on and off. they get into a fight. 15 minutes later, when they need to put their head down and work, they switch the fight off and switch the work on. they know how to will themselves into saying "not now" and they plug out and plug in completely. when the work is done, when the fight can be dealt with, they plug back into it and resume. how robotic, i used to think. how absolutely soulless and mechanical. i would never want to be like that.
but it's so practical, ya know. i start this year thinking that i'd like to learn how to compartmentalise a bit more. maybe not to the extent that i trade in the concerned soul in me for mr ruthless efficiency, but perhaps just to the extent where a minor icky thump doesn't strike me down with paralysis.
aah... the life of a robot. they always make me feel so foolishly human.
Labels: hope, survival
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