GCB

BLOGGER

Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.

MAIN THEMES

On identity
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.

On Christianity
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.

On dreams
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.

OTHER THEMES

On melancholy
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.

On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.

On language
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.

On politics
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?

On society
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.

On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.

On philosophy
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?

On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.

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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

ON NEW DEPTHS OF SELF-LOATHING

They can take me now.

yes, they can pick me apart with their pickaxes and dismantle me for good. because i don't really want to face tomorrow anymore. i don't want the pain of dealing with this unpredictable everyday so they can swoop in for me right about now, and finish me off.

i don't want happy tomorrows. i don't want better days. i don't want a hope and a future. i have in my two hands sorrow and a deathwish, and i choose the latter.

i don't want to keep on fighting.

and i loathe myself with a new depth of hatred. someone once said that you should learn something new everyday. today has taught me that i will never be well. i will always be a failure, and no amount of cosmetic success is ever going to plaster over the fact that i will never make the grade.

Labels: defeat

Genusfrog [ 2:29 pm ]

2 Comments:

Stop it. Stop beating yourself up, stop hating yourself, just stop it.

What you wrote is not true.

By Anonymous, at 3:06 pm
Yes, I agree with yp that what you wrote is not true for even the lowliest of them all loves itself.

By Jeanie, at 12:32 am