Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.
On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.
On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?
On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
REASON TO LOVE
Fergus: Are those your new shoes?
Shuyee: Yep! See.
Fergus: What's your favourite pair of shoes? The one you love the most?
Shuyee: It's the one that hurts the most. It was love at first sight.
Fergus: Hahahaa... Why are we all like that?
Yeah, sometimes we're all like that. we go out into this bizarre world and we fall in love knowing how much it's going to hurt us. the fact is that love and pain seem to be intertwined in some cruel but strangely addictive relationship. it's hard to know where the line blurs between loving in spite of great hurt and hurting because of great love.
and we keep walking back in. maybe it's a compulsion, driven by the very image in which we were assembled. maybe we're just taking an intrinsic lead from the jesus whose extreme love led to and stemmed from extreme pain. maybe we don't know better, and we keep trying to injure ourselves in the name of a big heart.
but someone once told me that pain without redemption is meaningless. and someone else told me that pain is not abstract, it's personal.
if that's the case then maybe i shouldn't speak of pain and love as if they were divorced from the people feeling the cut and heart. and maybe if that's so, then pain finds meaning when the redemption makes sense. a pretty pair of shoes, though they knock your feet up pretty bad, might be redemptive enough as an object of beauty. a creation, though it grows mouldy by lunchtime every day, might be redemptive enough as a people for god to love.
but where in this congestion of my knots and stuff will i find my good reason to love?
Labels: christianity, melancholy
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