GCB

BLOGGER

Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.

MAIN THEMES

On identity
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.

On Christianity
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.

On dreams
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.

OTHER THEMES

On melancholy
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.

On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.

On language
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.

On politics
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?

On society
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.

On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.

On philosophy
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?

On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

SOFTNESS IS OVERRATED

Soft toilet paper is overrated.

I just bought a bag of toilet paper. for all intents and purposes, it looks like a cheapass economy brand, cos the packaging has really crappy design, it's not a major brand and the paper itself is greyish. It's called Soft. Cuties Soft, for precision sake. apparently, softness is a real selling point when it comes to these things. i remember this ad on tv in the eighties when this entire family went round the supermarket hugging toilet paper. but is softness really that big a deal when it comes to the proverbial wipe of your ass? personally, i can think of a few other criteria to rival that cushionny feeling.

Alignment

Take this for example. i can't stand it when the different plies of tissue don't line up properly, making it virtually impossible to know exactly how many squares of toilet paper you're tearing off. and when alignment between the plies goes, then both ends of your stretch of toilet paper is likely gonna be thin, and i hate how i feel confused by how i'm going to fold the tissue into one neat square after that. if any of the top brands can promise me properly aligned tissue squares, i'll be really impressed.

Perforative faithfulness

So they've got perforations on toilet paper to tell you where to tear. the assumption is that if you rip the tissue according to the perforations, it's gonna rip along the dotted line. not always so. i've seen many a toilet roll fail this perforation faithfulness test, where what begins as a mundane rip of toilet paper ends up as a catastrophic mess, with paper ripping vertically, diagonally, in thin strips along the edges and different plies going in different directions. i mean, for crying out loud, if they don't make toilet paper to rip according to the designated perforations, then they could at least have the decency to not deceive me about it by inserting said divisions. otherwise, a toilet roll that rips faithfully according to the squares is something to be esteemed.

Absorption

Some toilet paper just don't soak things up. take water for instance. i've ripped up squares of toilet paper to dry spilled drink over a table but the paper just seems to get soggy while the water content on the table doesn't seem to go down. this is annoying. of course, there are days when you don't need to pay that extra dollar for premium absorption. wiping a dead bug off your mirror, or wiping your ass on all occassions bar diarrhoea, for instance, calls for no apparent need for heavy duty sucking up of liquids. so if quality really is about doing all the neccessary and nothing more nor less, then i think maybe toilet paper needs to enter a heightened nicheing to cater for the variety of needs out there.

Roll adhesion

There are days when every last square counts. there are days when they count so bad, you really, really, really would pay over the odds just to have five, six, seven more squares to tie you off for the next thirty seconds. on days like these, it really matters that the last few squares fall off the middle core roll nicely, allowing you to use those precious two squares. heck no. i've seen too many toilet rolls go by where the last few squares are all stuck like glue to the middle core roll thingy. i hate that. it's so unnecessary. and i swear, i say this not out of frugality but out of the pure, honest desperation i've had before when faced with a finishing roll and one too few squares left.

Penultimate deception

Some brands of toilet paper are just out to trick you. as it sits there by the wall, it looks like there's at least three or four more shits left in it, but as soon as you pull, the damn thing just runs out. that sucks man. because sometimes, there isn't even enough left in there for the shit you got on hand (figuratively speaking). why do some toilet paper deceive you so bad just as you reach the end of a roll? i mean, i'd like to see a toilet roll accurately depict its impending demise. i've been caught out too many times with their last-minute lies.

So as i've hoped to have made it abundantly apparent, being soft is not the be all and end all of toilet paper marketing. far from it. a mega ultra soft roll of tissue that fails all of the above tests ranks as a crap entry into the wonderful world of toilet commerce.

Labels: stuff

Genusfrog [ 1:47 pm ]

1 Comments:

I've never actually put too much consideration into my toilet paper before. I never really had a problem with it, but I have had many problems with putting the toilet paper on the scroll. How many times must I have that springy pole thing go flying when attempting to search for the other end of the holder?

Interesting blog. I hope things go well for you with God in the future.

By Stephanie, at 11:44 am