BLOGGER



Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.


MAIN THEMES

On identity
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.

On Christianity
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.

On dreams
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.


OTHER THEMES

On melancholy
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.

On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.

On language
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.

On politics
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?

On society
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.

On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.

On philosophy
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?

On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.


CHAT





Thursday, March 01, 2007
SHAME AND FAILURE

I used to tell my dad, "don't look at them. look at me". he likes to dig up the spanish inquisition and cruel missionaries to discredit christianity. not knowing how to point him to Christ at the time, i pointed him to myself. little did i realise the insurpassable hurdle i placed before him, nor the unbearable millstone i placed on myself.

for better or worse, this CNY put the spotlight on one thing in my life - my gross failure to be a contributing member of my family. i've been a shameful example of what a christian is like, and for that, i don't think i know how to even call myself one in front of them. it is not the Christ of my faith that i am ashamed of, it is myself.

the irresponsible thing for me to do now would be to draw even closer to my adoptive family - the church - and comfort myself with convenient truths, like how God's love cannot be earned by good, responsible conduct. and i could very well balm myself with that kind of unconditional love but no... the real cost of my christianity demands more from me than escapism. it demands that i reimmerse in my family and start being a functioning cog in my earthly father's house.

in the meantime, i just feel heavy. my dad doesn't need the spanish inquisition or cruel missionaries anymore. he's got a boy who discredits christianity all by himself.

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Genusfrog [ 10:45 am ]

5 Comments:

  • Though God's love cannot be earned by good, responsible conduct, and i'am still trying to battle with this one as i'm told that one only need to accept Christ the Saviour as the only way to redemption - that nothing else, however good and noble that one does on this earth counts for anything at all but hey, don't you think that while living on this planet earth, it is also important to live a good, responsible life so that whatever the length of life that He has allocated to us can be lived meaningfully and worthily of His loving creation. Living a good responsible life surely cannot be for absolutely nothing, right, otherwise, it would become a mockery of His creation in some sort of ways. In any case, whether my theory holds water or not, it is always a better option to live a good, responsible life spreading love, pride and joy not just in the earthly family that He has chosen for each and every one of us but also in the greater society where all our actions, thoughts and deeds cause ripples through the unseen cosmos. This reminds me of the old Indian Chief Seattle who said that Man is merely a strand in the web of life and that whatever he does to the web, he does to himself. This is merely to drive home the point that while the belief to accept Christ the Saviour is paramount, it is also important to respect and make worthy His creation of us on this, His earth, by spreading joy and alleviating suffering. Rejoice and the world rejoice with you !

    By Blogger Jeanie, at 11:48 am  

  • i agree with you. being saved and then not living a responsible good life means almost nothing. but the reverse is also true - if you had to earn your salvation through good works, then God means nothing.

    a christian is also called to good works - LOTS of it. but not to earn salvation. salvation is free and it's available for free especially because those who need it most are the ones who are least capable of paying the price, if it had one.

    instead, christians are called to live good lives to live out how good God is. unless you shift your motivation for doing good deeds into this, you'll always be trying to earn points from God. you'll forever be wondering if you've done well enough. i don't think it's wrong to confuse earning God's love and earning God's salvation. the reason we call Christ the Saviour is because he saved us from having to earn God's love.

    By Blogger Goodchristianboy, at 3:57 pm  

  • Tell me, Good Christian Boy, who isn't flawed? Mothers, Fathers, Grandpas, Grandmas, Teachers, Elders, Pastors, Priests, Monks, Bishops, Cardinals, Kings, Queens, Prime Ministers, Presidents, and the list goes on...and on...

    It's ok. Like everyone else, we're all here to learn. Living on this earth, we do earthly things. The plus point is when God stretches His Hand to guide us. If we're perfect, we weren't be here. And not only should we forgive others for their wrong-doing but we should also be able to forgive ourselves for our wrong-doing, otherwise how do we carry on?

    We must learn to love ourselves for only then do we have love to share with others for you can't give love if you don't have love; you can't give joy if you don't have joy.

    Anyway, GCB, allow me to refute one little point you made, i.e. about trading points to earn salvation. Doing good deeds is not for earning points. It has no strings attached. If there were, it wouldn't be called 'doing good deeds'. Doing good deeds is a reflex action that springs from the heart to relieve the suffering. Whether it is spontaneous or organised, what matters is that the hungry gets fed and the naked gets clothed. And the only reward is the happiness you feel in your heart. What happens to you after that is God's decision. Just leave it at there. Do and let go...

    By Blogger Jeanie, at 11:25 am  

  • Away with guilt my dear friend.
    It was nailed on the Cross already.

    By Blogger oomoo, at 8:50 pm  

  • This sounds like a Jobsian argument.
    Then it ends with
    Before I knew about God, noew I know Him. And I repent in dust and ashes...

    By Blogger oomoo, at 8:52 pm  

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