Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.
On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.
On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?
On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Do you remember when you learn new things?
i remember learning a figure of speech when i was young. someone once called me the black sheep of my family. i didn’t know what it meant, so i went to find out. no prizes for guessing how i felt when i found out. man, i was just a child.
all my life since then, i’ve lived with that black sheep complex. i went on to become the most problematic one in school, and my friends turned out to be the kind mothers got a bad vibe about. at home, i became notorious for breaking things, not taking initiative with housework and generally being an irresponsible boy. and though they’ll deny it today, i remember my parents saying they were afraid that if any of their kids were to end up as a “bad hat”, it was me. as if i needed to underline my credentials further, i went and became a christian and came home toting my exclusive God. what an asshole.
maybe it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. you know, tell a 9-year-old he’s the black sheep of his family and sit back and see how that millstone around his neck weighs him down by the time he hits 27.
i came home from work yesterday and fell asleep. i woke up writhing in bed, slamming myself against the wall and sobbing my eyes out.
why do they say these things to me? where were you? why did you let them say these things to me? i was just a child. i’m not a black sheep.
i’m your little white sheep.
i’m your little white sheep.
Labels: defeat, identity
9:50 am ]