Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.
On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.
On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?
On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
People teach their kids too much fear nowadays. so fine, there are tons of psychos out there who are trying to murder your 11-year-old, but when people mistake me for one of those psychos, i secretly feel insulted. especially if that person is the kid himself.
I was in the lift with this kid, chinese boy, about ten plus. just came back from school. i entered the lift with him, so he pressed level seven, which is my level. so i started a conversation with him.
Fergus: So you must be the one who lives next to me.
Kid: I live on that side (pointing at an indistinct direction).
Fergus: Ah, ok.
Lift door opens.
Fergus: So what's your name?
Fergus: Matthew. Hi, I'm Fergus.
I offer him my hand. He shakes it lightly.
And then, he begins to walk ahead of me like we're playing police and thief. step-step-step-stepstepstepstepstepstepstep. and before you know it, this kid, matthew - with a nice gospel name too - is plodding clumsily, unnaturally fast, to the grill gate one house from mine. i slowed down my step for his benefit, so he knew i had no intentions of throwing him into a gunny sack and selling him to the siamese mafia. all i wanna do is to make some friends out of my neighbours.
Cue the theme song: "neeeighbours, should be there for one anooooother... that's when good neeeighbours become gooood friieeeeds...."
I went for it again just now. coming back from dinner, i ended up in a lift with three ladies from my floor, the three who live directly opposite me. they too struck my lucky number sleven before i had a go, so i knew they were the ones. as i got out of the lift, i started.
Fergus: Do you live opposite me?
Lady 1: Yes.
The rest plough ahead.
Fergus: I've never introduced myself. Hi, i'm Fergus.
I offer my hand. She shakes it.
Lady 1: Ni ke yi jiao wo Y. (ok, i'm kidding)
Lady 1: I'm Regine.
Lady 1: Regine.
Fergus: Oh. Virgine?
Lady 1: Regine.
Fergus: Ah. Regine. Nice to meet you. And you guys?
The other two had covered much ground while i was busy greeting the soft-voiced one. By now, they were giggling among themselves like a teenage girls. but these were 30something women. why would they be giggling at a 26 year old kid, by what must be their standards, who's just trying to be friendly?
Then it hits me. possibly, when i mistook Regine's name for Virgine, what came out of my mouth might have sounded like Virgin. at least, of course, to the untrained or uninitiated ear who may not have picked out the ~een sound from the ~in sound. dammit. another neighbour who might think i'm a deviant.
But i'd already gone so far. i walked up to the other two. they were polite.
Fergus: How about you guys?
Lady 2: Ng.
Fergus: Hi Ng.
Lady 3: Debbie*
Fergus: Hi Debbie. So it's Regine, Ng and Debbie. Is it just the three of you?
Lady 2: No, there's another one.
Fergus: Ah. cool.
*Debbie is not her name. i forget what it is. it's just what i think it sounded like.
We reach our doors and go in, perhaps never again to exchange words.
Living alone is really nice, and quietness is its number one commodity. but while being alone is nice, being lonely sometimes isn't. and sometimes, all you need to beat loneliness is to know the name of the person living next door. so to little matthew, regine, ng and notdebbie, sorry for scaring you shitless or giving you the tickles. i'm just a lonely boy.
Cue the paul anka song: "lonely and bluuuuee. i'm all alooone. with nothin to doooo."
10:54 pm ]