Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.
On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.
On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?
On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
What does it mean to "be a man"?
You may seem man when you're with the guys, but when you're alone, do you still feel man?
Biblical manhood calls for rising up and taking authority. How is this different from the kind of brash maleness that women have been subjected to for the last 5000 years?
This Friday and Saturday, I'm going for our church's men's camp. But it's been quite a while now that these questions have been on my mind.
I grew up with four strong-willed sisters, a very gentle mum, a self-professed workaholic dad and a brother who dislikes anything macho. It has been a tricky affair negotiating my manhood. What I've observed from my dad is that a man works hard for his family, teaches his kids (about pop songs, world wars and shakespere), and determines the disciplinary tone in the house - that's been great!
But while relevantly replicating what I've learned from my dad may have to wait a few good years, I'm finding being a 25 year old single man quite a challenge. I mean, I go out there and interact with fellow young men, many whom I consider "more man" than myself, and I wonder what makes them who they are and I who I am. And then I go out there and interact with young women, and I become aware of this whole idea of who women are and what separates them from who I'm supposed to be.
Before I go on, let me set one thing straight: gender is influenced by both nature and nurture. There's no two ways about it. No number of pop psychologists can deny the fact that a man is born of the male sex and together with that comes a physique that predisposes a man to certain things. Likewise, no number of biologists can deny that as a boy grows into a man, his idea of maleness is shaped by the men he sees (and apes) along the way.
Now that I've got that out of the way, let me make a controversial (but funny) statement, which I think cracked Mel up a few days ago. Recently, I've learned so much about being a man from pastor lee choo.
Yea, you read that right. Pastor's wife. I think we've all learned so much. How does this happen? There's so much to learn from her because she is so Biblically woman! That's why! It's hard to find 21st century women who are strong, courageous, driven, dynamic and ambitious who at the end of the day submit to their husbands and allow them to take authority. When I consider ps lee choo, I realise that Biblical womanhood (and Biblical submission) is nothing, absolutely nothing like what the world thinks it is. If women all over the world could be empowered like ps lee choo and still be submitted (not submissive), then no one would have a problem with the whole idea of Biblical female submission. She's everything feminists want without being everything feminists are!
Am I detracting? Perhaps a bit, so let me draw it back. When we understand what God made women to be, and what women are called to, we also understand the flip side - what God intends for men. I have learned so much about being a man from observing ps lee choo because as I witness a mighty woman for God standing up for women everywhere, it gives me a good idea of what being a man ought to be.
I've never been closely led by any strong man before. Fuyee my cell leader is strong, still, I've not been led by him long enough, consistently enough for me to fully learn Biblical manhood from. I didn't have to learn about manhood from a female pastor if I spent more time with my male pastors but ps chew isn't the one working closely with the young adults, so understandably, I learn from ps lee choo instead. It's a bit of a roundabout but I'm learning.
Now, on Friday, I hope to be able to learn straight from the man's mouth at men's camp, because ps chew is going to be taking 200 of us men through a range of male issues at the camp. I do want to hear it from the real and really strong men. There are lots of guys I admire in church - strong influential men who are models of who I want to grow up to be like. I need to surround myself with such men.
Incidentally (and not in any way accidentally), the young adults in my church are doing this talk show called Living Room in two months, I'm in the committee. This episode is about gender identity, and this is exactly why all this has been on my mind, and why as a group, we've been discussing and learning so much from ps lee choo, who is guiding us through gender identity issues so thoroughly.
So it's all been timed very aptly - this is the year I grow into a man. I'm attending my first men's camp this weekend and I somehow ended up on a committee doing a talkshow on gender identity. Indeed, God is faithful. And the circumstance I've found myself in convinces me that His call for me to rise up as a man, to take authority, to increase in strength and to grow as a leader has never been louder than now. In fact, it is so loud, it ought to be deafening. And the only reasons why I've not been any faster to act is because I've been deaf or blur or both.
But He has called me to be a man. I'm learning so much about what being a Christian man is that if I were to blog about the details, it would take a series lasting a few weeks before I run through all my thoughts. And I'm still learning, heck, I've just started. And I will come good, I promise. And when I come good, you will know it.
You will know it from a mile.
Labels: gender, identity
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