Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.
On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.
On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?
On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
written late saturday night. ok, so it's a long way from realtime blogging, but i forgot.
Is something wrong with me? or is this just one of them days?
i've been proper blur today. there are some days, i get into my car, i start it up, and then it is as if i blank out and the next thing i know, i've parked my car somewhere and i'm getting out. at times like that, how i get from a to b is a complete mystery to me. am i thinking? descartes said cogito ergo sum... i am probably thinking, perhaps too much. yet, can i say that at such times, i am? well, i know what i am not. i am not am.
today's been like that. but for the fact that i've not driven - not that i might remember if i did (and in fact, i did. cyberjaya to pj, very early this morning. i made it back in 31 minutes flat) - i've spent the best part of today walking into parking meters, stepping into large holes in the road, banging things over, sometimes repeatedly, and not hearing anything anyone says to me. i was awoken just now, ernest came banging on my door asking me to go out with the rest of them. i was awoken from deep sleep stage. the kind of sleep you get into after only 2 hours of falling in. i got up, black as night (as it was, night), and walked into the wall in the bathroom. i was halfway washing my face when i asked ernest "what time is it?"
i feel like an absolute zombie. i've had about 4 hours of sleep in two days spread across two lousy sleep sessions, each notable for a rude awakening. even as i type this into notepad, i can't see the words one by one, it is all a haze. i had been reading earlier today, my primer on postmodernism. and over dinner, i somehow managed to guide lennie through a bitesize history of cultural epochs. and how the postmodern condition reacted against modernity. now, there is nothing before my eyes but radial patterns and a flashing light. and there's nothing on my mind now, no, not even... if i said it it would be on my mind. if i said it, it am. or rather, it is.
now, i'm just zonked. i need to lie down.
Labels: exertion, survival
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