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Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.


MAIN THEMES

On identity
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.

On Christianity
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.

On dreams
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.


OTHER THEMES

On melancholy
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.

On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.

On language
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.

On politics
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?

On society
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.

On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.

On philosophy
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?

On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.


CHAT





Monday, December 13, 2004
GUILT IS A BAD BAD THING

You know, i was up today confessing my sins while walking to the station. and i was just struck so hard by some of the things i'd done which weren't so right or noble or whatever you wanna call it. and i felt so responsible for it. which is a good thing if felt in moderation. i told Father that i wanted to claim 1 John 1:9, that if i confess it and lay it on the cross, He justifies me and lets me go on guilt-free. but i couldn't go on guilt-free.

i also know that when you talk about spiritual warefare and stuff, for every sin God wants to forgive and forget, the devil wants to rehash and make you feel like a black sheep that's limp and ugly and stupid all at the same time. it was exactly like this. i knew - all too well, i knew - that on one hand, there was my all-loving God saying "it's ok. you've made a mistake, now you've asked for forgiveness. all is forgotten. go have a smashing day"... and there was the evil one on the other going "how could you? i think you really went too far. after all that God has done for you, you still act like that?". wahoo! real life angel-&-demon-on-shoulder action. and a very real one too.

it happens to the best of us, much less the ordinary. i really struggled hard this morning trying to forgive myself over what was actually nothing too collosal. but it's like that. guilt trips are bumpy and no matter how many times you deal with them, when they strike, they have a way of striking. i just wanna encourage anyone reading right now who might be feeling really bad about something they've just done. or maybe it's something they did a long time ago that was never resolved. it could even be something that has already been resolved but you're still punishing yourself over it. to you, if the case may be, i want to remind you that God loves you too much to see you beat yourself over this. it is not worth it and it was never how He wanted you to respond to this situation. every minute you continue to blame yourself and hate yourself and live in a shell because of something wrong you did is a minute spent inflicting wounds in God's heart. he wants to forgive you and give you a life. he wants you to get over it because until you do, He can't love you the way He wants to.

1 John 1:9
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

if you're feeling like crap today because you really messed up, then this is the God you need. the kind of God who's not like the harsh and unforgiving world, who's not like all the people out there who will lynch you over and over again for the same thing. this is the God who wants to accept you and make you feel more loved than you've ever been. this is the God who wants to forgive you. and He has. He's already forgiven you. you just need to claim it. how do you claim it? just tell him you're sorry and leave your wrongdoing on the cross. walk away clean because you have exchanged a curse for a blessing. do it for yourself and do it for the God who loves you too much to see you hurt all day.

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Genusfrog [ 4:14 pm ]

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