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Youngest kid of six with an inferiority and black sheep complex, but determined that God saves not just his soul to heaven but the remainder of his manic-depressive life, so others won't say he became a Christian and remained a jerk.


MAIN THEMES

On identity
i won't be transparent before i'm opaque. and you'll get to know me starting from the small things: who my favourite bands are. what kind of movies i like. who are my heroes.

On Christianity
I’m convinced that when confronted with sincere, real love, the Jesus factor will become obvious. But let’s not plant the cross before we carry it. I’m not trying to con you.

On dreams
Some dreams are meant to be achieved. I know that. But maybe other dreams are meant to drive us, privately. Never known to anyone but ourselves.


OTHER THEMES

On melancholy
It is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. I'd almost say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself.

On memory and nostalgia
It saddens me when life moves forward and people decide that certain things are worth forgetting.

On language
I've learnt that the word irregardless is filed as a non-standard word in the English language. That's a lexicographer's way of saying it's not a real word.

On politics
Crowds are fickle things. So when we stand in the thousands and cry against the present government, do we know who we're actually crying for?

On society
People always want the best for themselves. But I want to sometimes take second or third or fourth best, just so that the loser down the road doesn't always have to come in last. It must feel like shit to always come in last.

On growing old
Leasehold property make me feel sad. It doesn't matter how old the family photos are that you put on your wall. It's your family but it's not really your wall.

On philosophy
I ask you, if God loves everyone, and if God is also incapable of loving evil, how can there be such a thing as an evil man?

On a daily basis
One line quips, like this.


CHAT





Tuesday, December 14, 2004
GOD THE GROCER?

Do we usurp God? sometimes, i think i do.

you know, i - probably like lots of other christians - find it hard to draw the line between praying for things for myself and a) letting God provide, and b) praying for others' needs. especially the latter, i find myself still very infantile in that when i seek God, half of what i tell Him (if not well more than half) is about what i want, what i need and how i wish He can go about providing it. how self-centred! it's shocking, really.

when Jesus fed five thousand with a couple of loaves, he went away and joined his disciples in Capernaum. the five thousand followed him the morning after and caught up with him. but you know what Jesus said?

John 6:26
"I tell you the truth, you did not look for me because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill."

is this what i am? am i looking for God because he provides for my needs? am i chasing the gift and not the true miracle that is the Giver? have i been coming to God as if he were my grocer and i needed a topup on the latest batch of barley loaf?

but surely, God is our provider. He gives us all things. He is our doctor and lawyer and shrink and teacher. He is our manager. i heard a speaker the other week say he is our matchmaker. and more! our bus driver and policeman. and yes - our grocer. surely, it can't be dramatically wrong to go to him for food, is there? is there?

it hit me this morning - it's not that God isn't our grocer. He is and will be. but when we approach Him, don't approach Him as a grocer. approach Him as God. and all our grocery needs will be met. i know, when i pray, i ask for lots of things. it's normal - humans have a self-centred streak that takes lots of transformation to get rid of. but i must always remember that He is God. though He plays that role in my life when i need it, it must never superseed the fact that He is ultimately Lord the Most High and i must never commodify Him by walking up to His throne with a list of provisions. He will be my grocer when i need one but He is GOD. Fullstop.

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Genusfrog [ 6:57 pm ]

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