Monday, August 25, 2008

Genusfrog [ 3:34 pm ] | 0 comments

PREMIERSHIP THIS YEAR

Been reading what i can on the new premiership season and people are starting to give table-finishers predictions. i've been thinking that there's no real value to these things. my opinion is as bad as yours, and by may, nobody's really gonna be diligent enough to dig up predictions made in august to vindicate their clairvoyance. in short, big deal.

but i know now what the world needs. it doesn't need another seemingly accurate predictive table. it needs a table that tells a good story realistically. that i've tried to do. here, i present to you, the english premiership 08/09 table.

1. Liverpool
2. Man Utd
3. Chelsea
4. Tottenham Hotspur

5. Arsenal
6. Aston Villa
7. Portsmouth
8. Newcastle United
9. Blackburn Rovers
10. Everton
11. Sunderland
12. Fulham
13. Hull City
14. Middlesborough
15. West Ham Utd
16. Wigan Athletic
17. Stoke City

18. Man City
19. Bolton Wanderers
20. West Bromwich Albion

liverpool wins the league with one week to spare. the anfield faithful go beserk as torres thumps in the winner in their penultimate game of the season. songs fill the city. everyone paints the town red. spanish flags fly from windowsills. rafa flags adorn cars.

behind them, man utd have another solid season. chelsea have a mixed season, starting well but going shambolic towards the end. players go on strike. indiscipline becomes rife and scolari, in putting his thumb down, freezes important players out. it's war on the bridge. they finish third.

after that it's north london's tottenham, pipping arsenal to the fourth champions league spot on the last day of the season. wenger is despondent. his young team doesn't know what hit them. gallas throws a tantrum and punches an official. across town, juande ramos is hoisted into the air like a war hero. david bentley, scorer of their last day winner, is iconised as he seals his place in the england team. he arrives on the streets of london showing off a new haircut.

meanwhile, at the bottom of the table, disaster has struck. thaksin has sold his man city stars. after that, he's sold up. for half the season, the club's future is in limbo and player wages are frozen for a week in february. morale crumbles. brazilians jo and elano click and they score goals, but the backline leaks like a teabag. mark hughes resigns in october and they hire graeme souness. by march, they second from the bottom. by early may they are third from bottom. they have the chance to avoid relegation. but defeats in the last two games sends them down. the blue half of manchester are in tears.

as for the chasing pack, hull do remarkably well, finishing mid-table, and stoke survive thanks to city's meltdown. newcastle, against all odds, finish respectfully in eight.

Down in the Championship, Flavio Briatore funded Queens Park Rangers finish the season unlikely champions. Sheffield Wednesday finish second to join them going up. The playoffs finish with Nottingham Forest grabbing the last spot. City Ground faithful pack Wembley on playoff final. Finally Forest are back in top flight. Everywhere else in England, they are crowning Liverpool as the new champions.

Labels: football